If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Corinthians 13 verses 2-3
February still finds us in the midst of winter, however with a glimmer of Spring and the promise of more daylight. It seems apt that the hope of seasonal change to brighter days falls in a month marked by a celebration of love. On the 2nd of February the Christian faith marks Candlemas, followed by the celebration of Valentine’s Day on the 14th. Traditionally, Candlemas speaks of the light that Jesus brought into the world, while Valentine’s Day is a celebration of romantic love. In the English vernacular, love is most commonly defined as an emotion, but in the Greek language there are seven definitions of love. One that spoke to me in particular is a definition that seems to encompass all what love should be: 𝑎𝑔á𝑝ē. This love is unconditional, and is offered as an intentional gift, not simply an impulse. Within this unconditional love, there is an intrinsic pull of empathy. In this definition of love perhaps there is a way it can be shared, not just with friends but also with strangers. In Michael Landy’s art project for London Transport, ‘Acts of Kindness’ he asked both passengers and employees to send in stories of small acts of kindness. Through this work he explored the shared connections that result from these kindnesses when individuals step outside the insular bubble that often happens on tube journeys. He says, ”Perhaps that’s partly because acts of kindness between strangers undermine the idea that we should compete and always strive to be independent. Instead, they’re an acknowledgement of our shared humanity. ‘This project is about feeling a sense of being connected to each other’. ‘That’s what “kindness” means – we’re kin, we’re of one kind.’ Agápē
Within the pressure of daily life, where certainty is the less travelled path, we may perhaps ask ourselves whether, in the midst of this choppy sea of life, we have time for empathy. The answer, it seems, should be a resounding yes. We are in the company of knowledge that shows that, whilst we are more connected than ever by our phones, we are yet more lonely and isolated. There are reports across all ages which describe a shared low in our combined mental health, with prevalent feelings of isolation. The small ways we can show ‘𝑎𝑔á𝑝ē’ to each could be a gift to anyone we encounter. Sometimes I am guilty of taking myself out of the moment too much for that to be possible. I will take a walk, and suddenly be distracted by my phone then fail to notice anything or anyone in my surroundings. This might lead to bumping unexpectedly into someone, or even a tree, if I am very distracted. But the real travesty I am learning is that this action of being dedicated to some kind of ingrained efficiency is losing the naturalistic moment of looking around me and having the patience and presence to engage with the people or dogs that I may encounter on those walks. Sometimes, it can be just taking enjoyment in overhearing a beautiful conversation. Often, those between small children and a parent are some of my favourites. One recently was with a four year old child trying to describe shapes to his mother. Another, walking past a primary school at lunch time, was the spontaneous greetings from pupils. There is a shared sense in those moments that makes me wonder; while we may not know each other, we are all together . It is a sort of unconscious gift giving, where in those simple mundane moments of life there is really such an elegance of just being so solidly ingrained in the here and now.
This sense of empathy for others can also be shown to the purchases we make for ourselves or for each other. When we really think about the objects we buy, beyond perhaps their beauty or their functional brilliance, we should consider the designers, makers and many other people who are involved in bringing us those items. . They may sometimes become invisible to us as we take for granted the many small processes that make our lives run effortlessly. If we take a pause then, from the preoccupations and goals of our daily lives, maybe we can make one this February just to stop, look, listen and reach out even with the gift of something as simple as a smile.